master Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a bugger what you bloody guess because I bloody address as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad head trip back from America on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made surely me nerve were safe and went to see bloody Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishing to tally. Agent were a Slimy mongrel with slicked down hair and poncy lawsuit. He sat behind this over dressed bloody oakwood flaming desk about the size of it of a fucking cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"trade good day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at shoemaker's last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me memorial tablet,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the unlearned Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass section,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that variety of brass."

"We thought you have in mind Brass,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short circuit hairy gorilla in a Black wearing apparel with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody uncomplicated enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky bugger ent it ?"

"boldness is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a blinking fact ..

"How practically were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round camber and paid it in quick. Daft mongrel on counter near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a fair few quid and went about me business.

fifteen bloody days voyage took, crashing steamer broke down on the way but at live on I had some brass section in bank and could get home instead of scratting round of golf down South America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a first mate of mine, we had a chat for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave securities industry, I fancies a nice plump fresh brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slave in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nob got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody Hell do I find a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be blooming lucky to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk working girl house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed honest idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at world-beater Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would have a bite to eat. Now I ent thickset or nowt but I couldn't make fountainhead or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was lunch. Anyroad I had a feed.

manager add up up to me and asked me occupation,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got haywire end of stick and suggested a mates of sporting lady theater.

"Nay I want a char for hold see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not keep forking out for tarts till I gets fucking clap and me cock bunk off."

"You can't keep slaves anymore, but there's a chap bout Inkerman Street does a smashing range of sexual abstention belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that noble wi his back to us over there's got more daughters than you can shake a stick at, why not hit him an go ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and free fall o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church building mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's blooming decorum,"I says,"I ent no home painter I'm bloody maitre d' bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob teammate was pissing they selves laughing at me,"smell if its bloody cheek you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's Virgo the Virgin, two leg, two arms, twosome of bloody titty, her own teeth, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can do in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a aright pandar says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your batting order right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard John Cash, I knows too many bally wit sharps."

"I have never been so affront sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George IV, think, he'll pay,"this cranny said,"Instead of a demanding a portion he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my family directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy Paraguay tea warned him not to look too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The blighter lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His property needed a lick of paint and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, Gentleman, to the handmaid quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speak me bloody psyche. Know thee's bloody shoes or thee'll experience me flaming belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an ugly squawk,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to thump thee."

"This is my wife maitre d'hotel,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No discourtesy like,"I says as she belts me fill out the chops, we her dainty hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite compliments to court one of our daughters dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Creator Mc for short.

"Over my dead body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"semen now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his aspect went a deathly flannel,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, Tempest, bloody feed water supply pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bally shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"madam Mc insisted.

"I had a all-fired gut wide on't it, blinking shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody excavation that's what I reckon, high bloody sentence to bloody settle down down."

"And you seek to Court my daughters ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't creative thinker bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no smutty bloody Samuel Butler poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody Lordship'cover 's turned."

Samuel Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

gentlewoman Mc knew when to hold on stum so she showed us into parlor."Girls,"she says,"cum and meet headwaiter er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first girl were knockout, blond hair on her shoulders, blue eye, square rigged dress showcasing her knocker, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the servant, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a flaming nookie,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody nous and you're a dish and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another vision of lovliness followed into the way,"Victoria,"peeress Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody netherworld, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a crashing hangover. Wi her short fuzz and scowling face if it had n't been for her tits you 'd give birth thought she were a bloody bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your bally bets were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"gentlewoman Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a fucking bloke or a bloody fille eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an albatross nest in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit thin on bloody solid ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matter,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good chance her were a bloody Virgin, if I blew crashing candle out it wouldn't matter what her crashing face looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me all-fired end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody Virgo I ‘ ll shtup thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"maitre d' !"Maker Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to direct her off thi bloody hands and put a ring on her bloody finger, take it or leave it."

"We really necessitate the money,"lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monstrosity for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a crashing wife lass, not just a bloody tart to shag, individual to look after me bloody house, Cook, blank look after bloody nipper, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretense of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody fondness, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do better than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"trade good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the solution senior pilot is no, never."She stormed away in a crashing strop.

"Feisty piece ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee cerebration I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's optic bulged as I showed a air pocket to the full of gold.

"get hold of a Methedrine of wine police chief,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a instant,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a blooming pint."I said. He gave me about enough to submerge a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the lady friend protest,"stay it, stop it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fairish flaming price, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on fresh round oak trading floor, till I got to her bed room.

The female parent were there with two chamber maid and the housekeeper. poor people Francis had her apparel off and looked like she been whacked across face with a idle haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee duration stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her genitalia and courteous creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs full,"Take a look chieftain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the the likes of of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of lighter off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to slay me sea captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd vote out your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to force a damn wench to screw me in me damn life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her buck private as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her script away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't sweat, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger gently up her thigh and then I started to persona her cunt brim with me fingers. It weren't the first prison term. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been flaming shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of grade not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"well your bloody hymen ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me fucking babe doing a meter or two ?"

"How did you have sex ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews declivity,"Lets holler it our little bloody mysterious shall us ?

"Look chieftain,"she protested but me finger were no bloody strangers to a chick's snatch and wi me thumb on her little nub her teat were getting nice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But sea captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no ripe ramming me turncock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her mamilla and on down to her mound. She form of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh cashbox I got me tongue in the channel between her sassing down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her twat was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me ego at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eye were like dish aerial, she said nowt but grasped me thickening and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were bloody heaven. right wing in till me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody hell size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being damn fuck ent so fucking bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple cd, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek administration for the blinking piece of ass. Once I shot me bloody warhead in thee its for bloody biography like, if thee can't breadbasket it say now and I'll shoot me blooming payload over thee belly and say no Thomas More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty ginzo,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind spunk under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a venereal disease of hot punk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me cock was bloody pounding and suddenly it were too latterly for fucking pullin'out and she was well fucked with me succus pumping in her like a dry pint of Sir Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant maitre d',"she chuckled,"Next metre perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a dotty boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me crashing cock voiceless I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her breast right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly dresser,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody paired,"and I pulled my shirt and enthrone off and held her conclusion. Our mouths met, our spit entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your glossa in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody nookie again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hr or so before we went back downstairs. noble and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, praise,"Creator Mc chorted,"Let us give the date announced in Lancashire eventide post.

"sodomite that I'm a bloody sea maitre d', '' I exlained,"We can nip down bally harbour and I can do bloody marriage ceremony, no flaming need to neutralize flaming establishment on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in Christian church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a time or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the lights behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's all-fired ace and no damn slip even if she is from bloody Lancashire .