chieftain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm headwaiter Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from flaming Yorkshire and I do n't grant a bugger what you bloody cerebrate because I bloody mouth as I bloody find.

We had a fucking bad trip back from America on Steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me brass were secure and went to see damn Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a tart boudoir with trappings to match. agent were a Slimy shit with slicked down haircloth and poncy cause. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a bloody cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"Good day Captain, I am delighted to forgather you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me all-fired mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant cheek,"his supporter chipped in. She was like a forgetful hairy Gorilla gorilla in a Shirley Temple Black dress with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody round-eyed enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky bugger ent it ?"

"Brass is an alloy of Copper and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever kick eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bloody fact ..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking price,"the slimy bastard said rooking me,"The cheque please miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round coin bank and paid it in ready. Daft bastard on counter near fainted at size of it of cheque but I drew out a evenhandedly few quid and went about me business.

Fifteen bloody Day voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some cheek in cant and could come house instead of scratting round of golf down South America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a mate of mine, we had a confabulation for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a Nice plump newly brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have striver in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nob got fed up wi novelty an let nigh of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I incur a skillful plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be blooming favourable to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to conjoin a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk whore house or get married a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at poove Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after high noon so I thought I would have a raciness to eat. Now I ent loggerheaded or nowt but I couldn't make head or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask server. Turns out they has dinner at tea clip and twelve noon fourth dimension was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager follow up to me and asked me business,"looking at for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be stark mind."

He got ill-timed end of stick and suggested a couple of cyprian business firm.

"Nay I want a woman for keeps see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not restrain forking out for tarts till I gets fucking clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep slave anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Maker wi his back to us over there's got more daughters than you can escape from a stick at, why not make him an whirl ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his teammate over a sliver of angle and drop o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's ready to hand,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the Scheol are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to face up me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no house painter I'm bloody police captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me bloody mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top one dollar bill, long as she's virgin, two legs, two arms, duad of bloody knocker, her own teeth, auditory modality and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a compensate ponce says,"You might well conjoin off your Emily if you play your placard right."

"I ent playing no bloody wag,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many damn card sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his Paraguay tea grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this cuss said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to look too sharp but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The fellow lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a poke of blusher and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet, to the handmaiden quarters,"bloody sarky butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Albert Guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"headwaiter Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me bloody belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an unworthy bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to pound thee."

"This is my wife Captain,"bloke says,"dame McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chops, we her dainty deal and one-half column inch long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"senior pilot Beckinthwaite wishes to lawcourt one of our daughters dearest,"the cuss says, I sort of guessed he was noble McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my dead soundbox,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deadly white-hot,"Captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, storm, bloody feed piss pump bloody spindle bloody secreter bloody blew and I haven't had a all-fired shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full on't it, bally Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody excavation that's what I reckon, high bloody time to bloody square up down."

"And you seek to lawcourt my daughters ?"gentlewoman Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more fucking like,"I said,"Don't judgement bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no filthy bloody butlers poking on her ilk thee and he does soon as blinking lordships'spinal column 's turned."

Samuel Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit crashing nail on't bloody header, I also reckoned nobleman Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to go on stum so she showed us into parlour."fille,"she says,"Come and meet maitre d'hotel er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first of all fille were knockout, light-haired hair on her shoulders, blue eyes, square rigged apparel showcasing her tits, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the retainer, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my back eldest,"peeress Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the daughter asked.

"Bloody productive and in need of a bloody ass,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me bloody mind and you're a kayo and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely obscene,"she explained.

Another imagination of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria,"peeress Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil picture, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her myopic hair and scowling font if it had n't been for her teat you 'd have thought she were a blooming bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your flaming wager were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a fucking bloke or a bloody little girl eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin son, baboons even,"I laughed.

"trade good then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an mollymawk cuddle in your whiskers ?"

"Bet bloody wooer are a bit thin on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, good probability her were a fucking virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't subject what her bloody typeface looked like.

"well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody virgin I ‘ ll piece of tail thee and and wed thee and I can't say sightly than that."

"headwaiter !"Jehovah Mc protested.

"Five hundred,"I offered,"dago, to need her off thi bloody work force and put a ring on her bloody finger, occupy it or leave alone it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody wife lass, not just a blinking fancy woman to shag, someone to look after me bloody firm, Cook, sportsmanlike look after fucking Thomas Kid, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretence of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, flaming affection, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do better than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the solvent master is no, never."She stormed away in a flaming strop.

"Feisty piece of music ent her ?"I queried,"I got the hard cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's middle bulged as I showed a pouch replete of gold.

"Take a Methedrine of vino master,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughter insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her tranquillise down a moment,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a squeamish Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about plenty to swim a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protest,"catch it, stop it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fairly fucking damage, what's wrong wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the step me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polished oak flooring, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two bedroom maidservant and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her garb off and looked like she been whacked across brass with a dead Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her girdle and knee distance stockings, no knickers or zero but showing her privates and nice creamy thigh.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her leg wide,"Take a feel sea captain,"dame Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you all-fired bullies, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the ilk of you. Go on. Get out."

"But senior pilot,"lady Mc replied but the glint of Christ Within off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to slay me master ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd vote down your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't stew lass, I never had to force a fucking wench to have intercourse me in me blinking life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her private as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her deal away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingerbreadth gently up her thighs and then I started to part her cunt lips with me fingers. It weren't the low gear sentence. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody virginal membrane ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bloody bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody Candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sis doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big buccaneer belt and let me trews capitulation,"net ball visit it our slight bloody secret shall us ?

"flavour Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody stranger to a skirt's twat and wi me riff on her little nub her mammilla were getting Nice and pointy.

She started breathing laborious

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't look me to contain now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no right ramming me cock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her pap and on down to her pitcher. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh trough I got me tongue in the groove between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her slit was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee flaming take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her centre were alike dish, she said nowt but grasped me pommel and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody node end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawse pipe.It were fucking heaven. Right in trough me balls were banging on her privates,"What the bloody underworld size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being all-fired hump ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek governance for the bloody fuck. Once I shot me damn encumbrance in thee its for fucking life like, if thee can't stomach it say now and I'll shoot me crashing load over thee belly and say no more than about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty guinea,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me blinking onus over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly maitre d', but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not constrain yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to buck a dose of hot heart up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your uncollectible Captain."

Me ballock was bloody crinkling and me cock was blinking throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me succus pumping in her like a dry pint of Isaac Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a risky boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me crashing hammer toilsome I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her bosom right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to feel your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposition,"and I pulled my shirt and invest off and held her finale. Our sass met, our natural language entwined. It do n't weigh much what they bloody look like wi your lingua in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bloody fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hour or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fellow, congratulations,"Divine Mc chorted,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire eventide post.

"sodomite that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down blinking haven and I can do blinking spousal relationship, no bloody need to waste fucking brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church building so we're getting wed functionary like, and do you make out after we fucked a time or two her started bloody smiling at me and her look quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the igniter behind her. But at end of fucking day its what they fucks like what matters and she's fucking genius and no bloody mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .