Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm maitre d' St. Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't give a bugger what you bloody mean because I bloody talk as I bloody find.

We had a damn bad trip back from America on steamer and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me boldness were condom and went to see bloody agentive role first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishing to match. Agent were a Slimy asshole with slicked down hair and poncy causa. He sat behind this over brush up bloody oakwood bloody desk about the size of a blinking cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"trade good day senior pilot, I am delighted to meet you at final,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the administration,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, patch of eight, that sorting of brass."

"We thought you entail Brass,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a short haired gorilla in a fateful dress with a gob like a English bulldog chewing a wasp.

"boldness, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky bugger ent it ?"

"Brass is an admixture of Cu and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever beef eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a bally fact ..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the request Leontyne Price,"the slimy whoreson said rooking me,"The check please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in prompt. Daft mongrel on replication near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a carnival few cud and went about me business.

15 bloody days voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some brass in coin bank and could come home instead of scratting circle down South United States of America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour master what were a first mate of mine, we had a confab for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump fresh brownish one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let near of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody the pits do I find a nice plump Virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody lucky to get hold one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk tart house or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at faggot Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner fare outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would have a bite to eat. Now I ent thickset or nowt but I couldn't make head or tail o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon fourth dimension was dejeuner. Anyroad I had a feed.

director make out up to me and asked me business,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be everlasting mind."

He got amiss end of joint and suggested a couple of whore houses.

"Nay I want a cleaning lady for donjon see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not keep forking out for tarts cashbox I gets bloody gonorrhoea and me cock rots off."

"You can't keep slaves anymore, but there's a chap cycle Inkerman Street does a smashing range of chastity belts,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that God Almighty wi his spinal column to us over there's got Sir Thomas More daughter than you can shake off a stick at, why not wee-wee him an offer ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of Pisces and pearl o wine that woudn't sustain a damn church mouse.

"That's handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a span of daughters to unload like ?"I says full-strength out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to present me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's blooming decorum,"I says,"I ent no house Felis concolor I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blooming mind."

His poncy nob spouse was pissing they selves laughing at me,"flavour if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top one dollar bill, long as she's virgin, two legs, two subdivision, couple of bloody boob, her own tooth, hearing and seeing would be a incentive but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his mates, a simpering prat dressed like a right pandar says,"You might well get hitched with off your Emily if you play your scorecard right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody scorecard sharps."

"I have never been so insulted sir,"he says, but his better half grabbed his arm.

"George VI, think, he'll pay,"this crevice said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my firm directly and meet my girl ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too keen but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a lap of paint and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, gentleman, to the handmaiden quarters,"bloody sarky butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the bloke explained

"skipper Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me all-fired belt cross thee bloody ass."

"I beg your pardon,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody adult female turns up,"By heck you're an wretched bitch,"I says,"promise you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to poke thee."

"This is my wife police captain,"bloke says,"dame McGonnegal."

"No offence like,"I says as she belts me round the chops, we her nice hand and half column inch long finger nails."Feisty composition ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite compliments to homage one of our girl beloved,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Lord Mc for short.

"Over my dead body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"cum now we are all Friend here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathly White River,"master Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"Storms, storm, bloody feed water ticker bloody mandril bloody secreter bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a damn gut good on't it, fucking Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody excavation that's what I reckon, in high spirits bloody time to bloody descend down."

"And you seek to court my daughter ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no cruddy bloody butler poking on her care thee and he does soon as bloody lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bally nail on't bloody principal, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into parlour."miss,"she says,"seminal fluid and see maitre d'hotel er, what is your gens ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The get-go girl were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulders, blue devil eyes, foursquare rigged dress showcasing her breast, out of my conference, probably been rogered by half the handmaiden, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my second eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the young lady asked.

"Bloody rich and in need of a blinking shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me blinking judgement and you're a sweetheart and no mistake."

"I speak my nous too sir and you sir are entirely obscene,"she explained.

Another vision of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria,"Lady Mc explained,"And my firstborn Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a bloody hangover. Wi her abruptly hair's-breadth and scowling face if it had n't been for her mammilla you 'd have thought she were a bloody lad

"Reet Francis, hedging your all-fired bet were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a bloody bloke or a bloody lady friend eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in agreement Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross draw close in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitors are a bit melt off on bloody primer coat,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no stake in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody quick, practiced chance her were a flaming virgin, if I blew bloody candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody face looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me blinking end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody Virgin I ‘ ll roll in the hay thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"Captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"five-spot hundred,"I offered,"Guinea, to take her off thi bloody handwriting and put a pack on her bloody finger, rent it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a all-fired wife lass, not just a blinking tart to shag, someone to take care after me bloody family, Captain James Cook, neat feel after bally tiddler, that kind o thing."I ventured.

"No guise of love or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, damn warmness, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do in force than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the result captain is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty spell ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee thought I were bloody messing."

Lord Mc's oculus bulged as I showed a air hole full-of-the-moon of gold.

"admit a chicken feed of wine Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the former daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her steady down a moment,"Jehovah Mc suggested,"I have a squeamish Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the little girl protest,"full point it, stop it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fairly bloody price, what's ill-timed wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail flush clattering on clean dressed oak flooring, till I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two chamber maiden and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a numb Haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her stays and knee length stockings, no knickers or nothing but showing her privates and nice creamy second joint.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs across-the-board,"Take a facial expression Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody bullies, sodomize off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the ilk of you. Go on. Get out."

"But police chief,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of light off me sticker blade soon changed her bloody tune,"leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me police chief ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd defeat your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't chafe lass, I never had to force a flaming doll to get laid me in me bloody life."

She sat on the sharpness of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her helping hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't Greek key, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger's breadth gently up her thigh and then I started to part her pussy back talk with me fingers. It weren't the first time. Her bitch was well used.

"Looks like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of track not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a affair ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a bally bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bally sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you do it ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews fall,"Lashkar-e-Taiba call it our little bloody secret shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me finger's breadth were no bloody strangers to a bird's cunt and wi me thumb on her petty nub her tits were getting squeamish and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But chieftain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no skilful ramming me cock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her cervix, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her mammilla and on down to her cumulation. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh money box I got me tongue in the vallecula between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her twat was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or blinking never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee damn take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a flaming mizen mast in me hand.

Her eye were comparable saucers, she said nowt but grasped me pommel and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody cunt like an Anchor up a hawsepipe pipe.It were fucking heaven. right in till me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody hell size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bally have sex ent so damn bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek cheek for the all-fired fuck. Once I shot me bloody cargo in thee its for bloody living like, if thee can't breadbasket it say now and I'll shoot me all-fired load over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty greaseball,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me bloody load over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly headwaiter, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not throttle yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a dose of hot spunk up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your sorry Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me cock was bloody pounding and suddenly it were too lately for damn pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant headwaiter,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a wild boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"suck me bloody cock hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may suck my teats if it help wake youl."And with that she pylled her bosom right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to finger your manly chest of drawers against mine."

"You ent got a manly dresser,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody opposite,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't weigh much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was bally fucking again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an hr or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and dame Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old fellow, felicitation,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us have the engagement announced in Lancashire even post.

"sodomist that I'm a fucking sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down crashing harbour and I can do bloody married couple, no bloody need to waste blooming brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a sentence or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the visible light behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody star and no bloody mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .