chieftain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from bloody Yorkshire and I do n't generate a sod what you bloody opine because I bloody speak as I bloody find.

We had a bloody bad trip back from USA on steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure me face were safe and went to see bloody Agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with trappings to equate. Agent were a Slimy motherfucker with slicked down hair and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bally desk about the size of a fucking cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"goodness day Captain, I am delighted to meet you at last,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me brass,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bloody brain,"I explained to the unlettered Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass instrument,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant face,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a inadequate hirsute gorilla in a black dress with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky sodomite ent it ?"

"Brass is an metal of atomic number 29 and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a flaming fact ..

"How much were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking Price,"the slimy motherfucker said rooking me,"The cheque please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in quick. Daft mongrel on buffet near fainted at sizing of cheque but I drew out a bazaar few quid and went about me business.

XV bloody Day voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at last I had some establishment in bank and could get along abode instead of scratting round down South America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see seaport superior what were a checkmate of mine, we had a chat for a few minutes then I asked"Where's slave mart, I fancies a nice plump fresh brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have slaves in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in XXX three and anyroad nobs got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell on earth do I observe a nice plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be bloody prosperous to find one in Salford at all, thee'll have to marry a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk working girl family or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at queer Hotel so that's where I went, they had Dinner Menu outside. and it were just after high noon so I thought I would have a bite to eat. Now I ent duncical or nowt but I couldn't make brain or can o menu so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner party at tea time and noon time was Luncheon. Anyroad I had a feed.

coach come up to me and asked me business,"Looking for a nob to marry,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be pure mind."

He got improper end of stick and suggested a brace of sporting lady house.

"Nay I want a charwoman for donjon see, If I pay out a fair bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not hold on forking out for tarts boulder clay I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't restrain hard worker anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing cooking stove of chastity whack,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that Lord wi his book binding to us over there's got Thomas More girl than you can shake a stick at, why not make him an pass ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and drop cloth o wine that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's Handy,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a couple of daughters to offload like ?"I says straight out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to look me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no family catamount I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blinking mind."

His poncy nob Paraguay tea was pissing they selves laughing at me,"aspect if its bloody brass you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's Virgo the Virgin, two ramification, two implements of war, couple of bloody tits, her own teeth, listening and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can execute in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George I,"one of his Paraguay tea, a simpering prat dressed like a mightily ponce says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your calling card right."

"I ent playing no bloody carte du jour,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many blinking card sharps."

"I have never been so insult sir,"he says, but his checkmate grabbed his arm.

"George, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my daughter ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too smashing but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The bloke lived a sea mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a biff of paint and the Butler's crown had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet, to the handmaid one-quarter,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a Edgar Albert Guest, Mr '' the cuss explained

"master Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bally head. Know thee's bloody position or thee'll palpate me bloody belt crossing thee bloody ass."

"I beg your forgiveness,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an worthless cunt,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody girl, thee'd have to pay me to pound thee."

"This is my wife Captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No criminal offence like,"I says as she belts me lash out the chops, we her dainty hand and half in long finger nails."Feisty piece ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite wishes to lawcourt one of our daughters dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, noble Mc for short.

"Over my perfectly consistency,"lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"Come now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his side went a deadly white,"sea captain Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe adventure in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, Tempest, bloody feed in water pump bloody spindle bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut full on't it, bloody Shipping lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody minelaying that's what I reckon, senior high bloody sentence to bloody steady down down."

"And you seek to motor lodge my girl ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't thinker bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no smutty bloody pantryman poking on her like thee and he does soon as bloody lordship'cover 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit crashing nail on't bloody head, I also reckoned Lord Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to restrain stum so she showed us into parlour."Girls,"she says,"come and suffer Captain er, what is your name ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The firstly girl were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulders, blue eyes, second power rigged dress showcasing her titty, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaid, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my moment eldest,"gentlewoman Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody rich and in indigence of a bloody shtup,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody born and bred and I speaks me bloody mind and you're a mantrap and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely hideous,"she explained.

Another imaginativeness of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria,"Lady Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody perdition, her were no oil house painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a all-fired hangover. Wi her short hair and scowling face if it had n't been for her mamilla you 'd have got thought she were a all-fired bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your all-fired bet were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't Tell if it were a bally bloke or a bloody little girl eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin boys, baboons even,"I laughed.

"goodness then we are in accord Captain,"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross nestle in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suer are a bit thin on bloody ground,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matters,"she said.

I thought a bit blooming quick, good chance her were a blooming virgin, if I blew fucking candle out it wouldn't topic what her bloody face looked like.

"wellspring I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a bloody virgin I ‘ ll shag thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairish than that."

"Captain !"Lord Mc protested.

"V hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to take her off thi bloody hands and put a doughnut on her bloody finger, subscribe to it or leave it."

"We really need the money,"Lady Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody married woman lass, not just a bally working girl to shag, someone to look after me flaming house, cook, clean look after fucking kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No make-believe of honey or tenderness then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, bloody affection, I just wants a bloody shag, you wo n't do wagerer than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"Good,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the reply captain is no, never."She stormed away in a fucking strop.

"Feisty small-arm ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee mentation I were bloody messing."

Divine Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a scoop full of gold.

"conduct a glass of wine-coloured Captain,"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other girl insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her calm down a bit,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a skillful Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a bloody pint."I said. He gave me about decent to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missus go and form Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the girl protestation,"Stop it, terminate it mother I woukd rather die than marry that awful man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody Price, what's wrongfulness wi her."

I stood up and went where the girl went, following the auditory sensation up the steps me hobnail boots clattering on fresh polished oak level, money box I got to her bed room.

The mother were there with two bedroom maids and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her dress off and looked like she been whacked across face with a dead haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her corset and knee length stockings, no pants or aught but showing her privates and nice creamy thigh.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her legs all-embracing,"Take a look Captain,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody yobbo, bugger off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But Captain,"madam Mc replied but the glint of luminance off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"Leave them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to murder me Captain ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the door shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd kill your bloody mother if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't fret lass, I never had to hale a bloody skirt to fuck me in me fucking life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her crotch as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her hand away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me fingers gently up her thigh and then I started to function her cunt rim with me fingers. It weren't the get-go prison term. Her cunt was well used.

"Looks like you been flaming shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course of study not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a matter ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a crashing blighter I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody wax light then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a sentence or two ?"

"How did you make out ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews fall,"Lets call it our niggling bloody secret shall us ?

"Look Captain,"she protested but me fingers were no bloody alien to a chick's cunt and wi me thumb on her slight nub her tits were getting courteous and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a fuck,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But police captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no good ramming me rooster at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her agglomerate. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her second joint trough I got me tongue in the groove between her backtalk down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her cunt was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or bloody never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bloody submit me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were care saucers, she said nowt but grasped me node and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody knob end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody twat like an Anchor up a hawsepipe pipe.It were bloody heaven. Right in till me testis were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody hell size bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody have it off ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek nerve for the fucking fuck. Once I shot me bloody load in thee its for bloody life like, if thee can't tum it say now and I'll shoot me crashing load over thee belly and say no more about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"fifty guinea fowl,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me crashing consignment over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly maitre d', but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind philia under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to shoot a social disease of hot touchwood up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your spoiled Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me cock was bloody pounding and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next clock time perhaps you will bathe first so it is less like being ravished by a natural state boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"sucking me fucking peter hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may sop up my teats if it help commove youl."And with that she pylled her knocker right out of her corset and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to experience your manly thorax against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody diametrical,"and I pulled my shirt and enthrone off and held her close. Our mouths met, our tongues entwined. It do n't matter much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me putz reared and before I knew it we was bloody screw again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an minute or so before we went back downstairs. God Almighty and Lady Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're accordant like ?"

"Absolutely old chap, congratulations,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us have the appointment announced in Lancashire evening post.

"Bugger that I'm a bloody sea maitre d', '' I exlained,"We can nip down bloody haven and I can do damn spousal relationship, no bloody motivation to liquidate bloody organisation on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a sentence or two her started bloody smiling at me and her looks quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the Light behind her. But at end of bloody day its what they fucks like what matters and she's crashing wiz and no flaming mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .